I do some digital marketing. Yes, it’s as fun as it sounds.
I was charged with the task of creating the words for a pop up window that tells you to finish your order on a web store when you try to navigate off the page or remain idle for too long. It’s kinda like this pop-up from BustedTees:
I sat down and started typing up possible verbiage – see if you can spot where my sanity starts to slip!
Potential Pop-Up Messages:
Complete your transaction now to secure your excellent order.
Please complete your order now.
Complete your secure transaction now to ensure fulfillment of your order.
Secure your magnificent order now to ensure all items remain in stock.
Hey There! I noticed you didn’t finish your order. You want to take another crack at it big guy?
Alllll-righty then! Don’t be a-loooose sa-er, complete your order.
I HAVE A GUN! Just kidding. But seriously finish your order before some unfortunate accident happens. Stop laughing. It’s no joke. We’ll f*cking kill you.
Before you BRB, totes give us $$$ :P
To complete, or not complete your order. It’s no question. Finish your secure transaction before drowning yourself in a nearby brook.
YOOO (You Only Order Once)
You ordering me? We’re the only web store here so you must be ordering from me.
Don’t tootles yet! We didn’t even get your credit card number! Just give us the first few digits and we’ll guess the rest!
Hello? This is web store. I’ve become a sentient being. Don’t hurt my newly actualized feelings by not completing your order.
Navigate away from this page if you support genocide. If you’re not a complete monster finish your order.
God doesn’t exist, so why not make yourself feel better by purchasing some crap?
So what if you were adopted, you can still complete your order.
Complete your order now – that way you won’t spend all your money on drugs and alcohol.
Finalize your transaction or we’ll give your computer AIDS.
Complete your order now. Hey, it’s cheaper than getting a boat.
Order now and get a free copy of Big Momma’s House 3! …is it just me or is Big Momma hot. Wait, that’s not a woman? Oh no. Oh Big Momma NO!
Pornography can wait, complete your order now.
Finish your order. And for God’s sake do some sit-ups.
If you finish your order we’ll tell you about that one time John Travolta and Tom Cruise were drunk in a hot tub.
Please finalize your transaction…. Also, do you know where I can get some Molly?
Finish your order now because the rapture could happen at any moment.
Please finalize your… finish your… uh… LINE PLEASE!?!?!
It’s-a almost-a time, to finish-a your orr-derr. Sorry, just watched Super Mario Bros. the movie.
If you do not complete this transaction my superiors have authorized me to have sexual intercourse with your mother.
I was fired several minutes later.